I Can See Clearly Now the Rain is Gone

I can see all obstacles in my way!!!

I never thought I'd be excited about such small things in my life. I am going on week 10 since my adrenalectomy and life keeps getting better each week. Now that I am not drowning in cortisol, my vision has returned almost to normal. There are some days I still see floaters, but most of the time it is SO much clearer. My light sensitivity is lessening too.

Some other great things that have been happening are: my leg & knee muscles are getting stronger. I can get up out of the bathtub fairly easily now. 3 months ago, I needed help. I feel like an overweight person, not a sick with Cushing's overweight person. The weight isn't really moving much still. Once I get off the steroids, it will begin to move. I have been losing a little here & there. I am eating very well and really watching my calories. My skin continues to thicken as does my hair. I am getting a little more energy back each week. It's like the pain slightly lessens each week and I gain an ounce of energy back. I will take whatever I can get!!

Psychologically, I am doing SOOOO much better!!!! I almost feel completely myself mentally. I am almost there!!! Now that I am a sane human being, I have so many other issues to work on. I haven't had the chance to properly grieve for my Patrick. We went to visit his grave this weekend. I have so many emotions running through my head. I am devastated, hurt, VERY angry, and just sad most days. I see my friends with their children and I think about what Patrick may have been doing with the little ones who are only a little older than he would've been. Ryan loves visiting Patrick. He talks to him, tells him he loves him, and even though Patrick isn't here with us on earth, at least Ryan knows he has a brother. We still make Patrick a very real part of our family. Ryan made a family portrait at preschool and even included Patrick! Talk about making Mommy cry.

I've also been able to discipline Ryan properly without flying off the handle at the smallest things. Mike even got to enjoy dinner with his mom this weekend while I handled a very naughty 3 year old in the restaurant. I did it ALL BY MYSELF!!! Ryan is having a hard time between being 3 and Mommy returning to normal. Boy is he testing us! I am exhausted.

I have been back to planning things like crazy. My desire to live is back!! I am already planning Ryan's birthday party and it's not until April. I have so many ideas! My brain wants to work so fast since it's been pretty much dormant for 15 months. I got to run errands this afternoon AND go for a walk!! I made three stops on my errands which would've been impossible a few months back. I even had the desire to coupon!!!! I have actually been filling up the calendar with events for our family and friends. Instead of immediately saying no to an event because I know I can't do it, I can think about whether or not I want to!

We have a busy week coming up and I am excited to be back into the swing of things. I see my endocrinologist on Tuesday for a checkup. I cannot wait to see what she says. Yes, I still have a VERY long way to go, but I am doing it. Ryan and I are back on the go almost like we used to be. I still have to move slowly at times, but at least I'm moving!

Thank you to everyone who continues to support me on this journey. I definitely know the meaning of true friends and am blessed to have so may great ones. Not one person has deserted me throughout this mess. Everyone has stood by me through the weight gain, the bodily transformation, the mental illness, Patrick's death, heart failure, the surgery, and now my recovery process. God bless you all!