What if We Were Real

What if We Were Real?

There are so many days where I wish I really could be real. The muscle & bone pain, depression from steroid withdrawal, the days I just don't want to get out of bed, the longing to be "Real" and normal again.

While I know I have come leaps & bounds from where I was, I still have such a long way to go. When I look in the mirror, I see my face now, but I see a damaged and scarred body and the horror of what this terrible disease did to me. I am SO grateful for the new Cushie friends I have made that truly understand the pain and suffering that Cushing's puts you through. It has destroyed so much of me that I am fighting to get back.

I put on a happy face even when the pain is there, knowing no one could possible understand. I know they are all tired of hearing my sob story. A lot of people think because I have had the surgery that I am cured. Well, yes, the disease is gone, but the recovery takes a LONG time. It can be anywhere from 6 months to 2 years to be fully recovered from this. I still have another surgery to go to repair the damage that has happened to my body. My mind is another story.

What if we all could be real with each other instead of pretending everything is OK? Wow, wouldn't that be awesome. Life on the outside may seem wonderful now for me, but on the inside I am screaming. Sometimes I feel like life is pointless and other times I am ready to conquer the world. Maybe one day, I will be real again. Real enough to have mental stability, real enough to feel beautiful, real enough to be the parent that my son deserves. Until that day comes, I will never stop fighting to become her. Bear with me as I continue to rediscover the girl that has been hidden inside me for so long. Maybe one day I will find her.